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i will miss you so much
even though we hardly saw each other

i will miss you so much
even though we hardly spoke on the phone

i will miss you so much
even though we hardly spoke the same language

i will miss you so much
even though two generations seperated us

but you taught me so much
and i have learned so much from you
you have influenced me every day of my life,
and you will carry on doing so for the rest of my life.

each time i look forward
each time the road in front of me devides
each time i look up the hill
each time my back is pressed and the only way is forth

it is you that i think of

i know that you left us knowing that i loved you
i know that you carry away my words of love
that i spoke to you when you were in hospital

you are now free to join your daughter

mother
you are not alone

i am now stronger knowing that you will now both being
looking after me.

Clearing up shit

My virtual friend - The Keeper - posted a tweet about a person who actually "does" things; going around the third world and helping their world be a better place.
The Keeper was bemoaning the fact that in comparison, her Life was both uneventful and void of true meaning.
I would tend to agree and relate to her frustration, as finding both goals and meaning to my life has become a Time consuming hobby veering towards obsession, but i've realised that those like me who want to "do" things, want to "do" many many things. The ideas, ableit completely utopic, are there - Better than being sat on a fat couch scratching one's fat arse - but remain unacheivable.
Some would argue that everything is achievable -Just Do It - but this achievement
Is just work in progress. It Never ends. There's always more to do. More shit to clean up, more problems to solve, more people to please, more mouths to feed, more thirts to quench...
And so my theory is that some lazy bum created this guy called god, and put the shit to clean up on his shoulders, and since then, Man has a clearer concience when he's sitting on his fat arse watching the news or praying for 5 minutes whilst on the shitter
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relief at 12.57 am

12.57 am

The obsequious have left.
open window.
it's raining
hard
very subtle breeze
the last glass of champagne
the flicker of the candle flame is the only sign of life around me.
Keith jarett
Klön concert
[ahhhh ! Klön you have given me so much!]
peace at last
yes peace
stillness
the gentle touch of the piano keys
the soft sound that embarks you on a flight into the dark night

1.00 am

oh how i can feel your lips pressed against mine
how i can feel your warm body cast with mine
how i can still smell your soft skin

1.10 am

i could dive so deep into the endless chasm that the night invites to
so appealing, captivating
the endless fall

1.13 am

they have left
they were too loud
too thankfull
too kind
too appreciative and too superficial to apreciate my effort
too diplomatic to engage into any kind of discussion
too old in their heads and minds to give me bait

too full of shit

camomile

i'd so much like to make love to you

now

now

now

1.16 am

The weight

Bad sleep
Bad awakening
Worries around me
They've seeped into me
Creeping and crawling
Polluting
I can't help it
Can't stop the spreading
Like ink on blotting paper

Spend my time witnessing the sadness and misery of others

Little miseries

Little worries

But everybody has his or her scale

The witness assesses
Weighs

And in reasuring
And in consoling
And in helping
And in sharing

It has all filtered into me




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Losing grip

Time is moving too quickly for me. Days fly by feeding the ever growing tide of weeks and months. The tempo is accelerating...
We all complain about not having enough Time to do this or to do that.
For me it's a constant. It's like space; the more space you have, the more you need.
It's inside us. The greed. The unconcious tend to über consumming.
The need for more, and more, and more.
There's more music to listen to, more books to read, more places that are easier to get to, more people to meet, more films to watch, more slopes to run down...
We should be happy with what we have already. That is the whole point of Carpe Diem after all.
But it's after.
Later.
When you look back and realise that days, weeks, months have gone by in the Space of a blink, you then realise that despite the daily hyperactivity, you didn't really make the most of the Time you had to fully embrace The Moment.



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Listening to Tull

Watching me watching you watching the train go by


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Friday

4 days in London was refreshing. Fullfiled a mini Life long ambition of seeing by the Anish Kapoor show at the RA. Just awesome.
And now back to 14 hour days.

What for ?

I truely realise for the first time that we HAVE to bring meaning to our lives.
It's not enough to build a family, accumulate wealth, have a house and all the bits around it... That's just moving on.
There has to be meaning behind all that.

To acheive so much for the sake of comfort is too feeble an excuse.

To achieve so much just to share it with thé ones you love is not enough.

To achieve so much and to Die is a waste.

I want more.

More coming soon.



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