FAT

Need to loose some weight Diet started yesterday Oops! 1 bottle of white Sancerre, half an Haut-Medoc and a full tube of sour cream & onion pringles later... Ahhhhh! Fuck it.

Friday

This incredible feeling of sadness has possessed me.

It's quite overwhelming.

like a giant lilly pad gently folding around me and engulfing me, suffocating me slowly.

I'm not sure that i really understand where it's all coming from.

The bordem of day to day life?

The new team i have to face? This new task this new challenge?

The bordem of the work that is to come?

The lack of money?

The pressure of being the perfect family slave?

Or just the cold?

or me ?

i feel fat and ugly and cumbersome

i'm surrounded by people who make me want to sink

i do not want to please them

i no longer want to seduce them let alone encourage a smile out of their faces

my entourage has made me what i feel

What would i like

What would i love

My fantasy...

Only a fantasy would be at the height of this sadness

a flight into the sunset with a cool glass of chardonnay in my hand

a cool sound drifting through my earphones

a slight glimpse of her breast's silhouette through her light blouse against the sunlit hub

a mad sexual affair

spice

electricity

a spark

a little madness like i haven't had in the past few years...