FAT

Need to loose some weight Diet started yesterday Oops! 1 bottle of white Sancerre, half an Haut-Medoc and a full tube of sour cream & onion pringles later... Ahhhhh! Fuck it.

Friday

This incredible feeling of sadness has possessed me.

It's quite overwhelming.

like a giant lilly pad gently folding around me and engulfing me, suffocating me slowly.

I'm not sure that i really understand where it's all coming from.

The bordem of day to day life?

The new team i have to face? This new task this new challenge?

The bordem of the work that is to come?

The lack of money?

The pressure of being the perfect family slave?

Or just the cold?

or me ?

i feel fat and ugly and cumbersome

i'm surrounded by people who make me want to sink

i do not want to please them

i no longer want to seduce them let alone encourage a smile out of their faces

my entourage has made me what i feel

What would i like

What would i love

My fantasy...

Only a fantasy would be at the height of this sadness

a flight into the sunset with a cool glass of chardonnay in my hand

a cool sound drifting through my earphones

a slight glimpse of her breast's silhouette through her light blouse against the sunlit hub

a mad sexual affair

spice

electricity

a spark

a little madness like i haven't had in the past few years...

and another one goes by

so here we are once more.
the beginning of a new year.
the trail of feel better resolutions.
the hope that the new will be better than the old and instantly wash away everything that was bad about the past year.
the first step beyond the threshold of a 365 day adventure.
sure.

nothing changes
it's still monday, followed by tuesday and wednesday and so on and so on.
but many counters are reset on the 1st of jan.
i have many, but take no notice.
i feel that over the past year i have been pulling life behind me as opposed to being bullied by life. it doesn't mean that i actually control anything, it just means that i feel the weight of everything surrounding me.

for this year, as i reset the counters, i would really wish that the weight dragging me would make itself a little more discreet

peace

Defining week

Defining week indeed
So damn skint
Can't believe i'm so short of money.
I must admit that cash does bring me access to pleasure... And now to inmense worries. A visit to the bank tomorrow may not be enough. My worst fear is that they won't allow me another loan. Shit.
Plus all the work load.
I'm tired.
I either pull it off this week and things get damn better, or the ship sinks...
To be continued, no doubt same time tomorrow.
Wish me luck.

Mmmmm

Mmmm... Not sure how to illustrate this... Best not to then.
Diner with beautiful Chloe and Max... I'm sure his two/three/4 timing her.
Sure...
Too much rosé (two bottles yet again)
Bed
Sleep
We'll see tomorrow…


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Paris

Walking home
The mix of smells
The dope
The wine
The pussy
The cheap perfume

Rain
The hazy street lights

And somehow Journey sounds just about perfect

Alive

The storm has past
Life may bloom once again
Breathe
Breathe again
Breathe...