The ghost in the machine

Tis been a week
Each time i flick though my phone
And see this icon
I hope
I expect
Void
Nothing
Yet i still hope
I still expect

Silly

The phone stays off as a sign of guilt
After so many months of avalanching snaps, txts, whatupp, FB, Line, Viber, the stream has halted. At least temporarily i hope.
The replies were instantanious. The comments fun.
Oh! MM what have i done?

I fucked it up
Serious fuck up
Silly billy
But the phone is off to avoid further disspointment of blanks on every media

Silly billy

And now the huge accumulation of negatives to encourage the fact that this good, and i won't crash into the wall.
But no matter what i find, i'm still so far from the intense silly happy i felt.

Strawberry bubblegum

As the song says "you really got me when you said “Hey!”"
Her smile
Here beautiful doll's eyes beaming a crazy smile

Amazing the mad maelstrom of love.
She was sunshine
She was pure happiness
Connection in a land that seemed so far away, too far to see, to dream of let alone touch.
This mad connection, i must take it like a distraction. Can't be more. Mustn't be more.
After all it's all trivial
It's all fun
But i want more
I'm the greedy boy
The spoilt one
The one to whom nothing is refused
One little voice says no
The other say go! Go! Go! You only live once
How true
Like the last time, it was a succession of dares

The ulimate fantasy was to watch her sleep in the light of dawn
Feel the peace around us
The comfort
The happy serenity
The slow smoothe sleepy breathing
Just once
That's all
That's all i wanted

But no
But i had to know
The refusal was a stab with a blunt knife

The age gap man!
Take a step back and look at yourself
Slap slap slap
It hurts

Now, the question is:
Do i put in another coin and play again?