morning

i woke up this morning with a weight on my shoulders.
unbearable
had a dream
strange dream
starring all the people i haven't managed to find time for
woke with the feeling of regret
cried in my dream
a dream in which i was justifying myself for having been so selfish
but i'm not
and i didn't seem credible
i know
i feel my eyes are loaded with tears
i know i'm not at fault
i know i should make time
i know i haven't got much to give
and that all i have left i give

crucified
caught in a crossing

it hurts in the morning
when you try to heal your stigmatas
it hurts when you realise that you can't drag what's left of you out of the dream
it hurts
not being able to disapear
it hurts that this desire to vanish is still lingering

plop
gone